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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22882297">in the abscence of everything, i promise to keep you warm</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/clumsyclouds/pseuds/clumsyclouds'>clumsyclouds</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Finn is a Dameron, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Identity Issues, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Marriage Proposal, Mild Hurt/Comfort, POV Finn (Star Wars), Poe Dameron/Finn Fluff, Post-Canon, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Romantic Fluff, Sunrises, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Yavin 4, just a little bit, technically sunrise conversations?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:01:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,935</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22882297</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/clumsyclouds/pseuds/clumsyclouds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>finn has everything he had never thought to dream of before leaving the first order. his friends are happy, he's happy with poe, even the galaxy seems to be <em>somewhat<em> happy, but then why does he feel like something is missing?</em></em></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Finn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>140</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in the abscence of everything, i promise to keep you warm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>the book of love is long and boring and written very long ago<br/>it's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes and things we're all too young to know<br/>but I love it when you give me things and you ought to give me wedding rings<br/>you ought to give me<br/>wedding rings</p><p>the book of love - peter gabriel</p><p>title from flatsound's song with the same name</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Ask me what my name is,” Rey says, her blue silhouette glowing in the grainy transmission, smile so wide it’s contagious.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Finn asks, glancing to Rose standing in the background with the same vibrant smile. </p><p> </p><p>Jess peeks in as well. “Ask her!”</p><p> </p><p>Finn glances at Poe who looks equally perplexed. Their eyes meet and he simply shrugs his shoulders. “Do what the Jedi asks, man, I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>With a sigh, he gives up on getting an explanation. “Fine. What’s your name?”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey,” she says, but another word rests on the tip of her tongue, tiptoeing right on the edge. She bites her lip, takes a hold of Jess and Rose’s hands. “Skywalker!”</p><p> </p><p>Both of their jaws drop, and Rey practically squeals. Finn hears BB-8 whirring somewhere in the background as well, they seem ecstatic. </p><p> </p><p>“Wait, how? I mean, what?” Poe asks, moving in front of Finn with that deep crease between his brows. </p><p> </p><p>“I was on Tatooine, right? And this woman comes up to me, she asks me who I am and I look to my right and I see Leia and Luke, smiling at me and I just <em> know </em> what they want me to say, so I say it and now I just...feel so complete.”</p><p> </p><p>BB-8 beeps, Finn still can’t understand a thing as Poe has yet to begin his lessons, but they seem excited.</p><p> </p><p>Poe sighs. “Yeah, I know it’s true, BB, it’s just...”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Rose says, “the legend is true, Skywalkers never die!”</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in the call, Poe settles back onto the chair beside Finn and smiles. It grows into a lopsided grin and Finn recognises that fondness for Rey that he always tries to hide. The twinkle in his eyes, the slight tilt of his head, the prideful puffed chest, it’s too obvious. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s amazing, Rey. I’m so happy for you,” Finn says, and he means it, but something heavy settles over his thoughts, like a dark cloud, covering the sun in part. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” She looks across the camera, deep and sincere as if she’s about to stretch through the transmission. It’s gone as soon as it appears, though. “So, when are you two coming back from your honeymoon?”</p><p> </p><p>Before Finn has the chance to reply, Poe rolls his eyes. “Who taught her that word?”</p><p> </p><p>“Rose did,” Rey replies without hesitation. </p><p> </p><p>“Wow! Thanks, Rey.” She hides her face in her hand and turns away. </p><p> </p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me you two got engaged!” Jess shouts. </p><p> </p><p>Poe takes a deep breath, leans forward, seems to want to say something and then just gives up. He throws his hands up, speechless. The girls on the other side along with BB-8 erupt into a flurry of excuses, curse words and bids for an explanation, the latter of which they got none.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, the incessant noise becomes a tad too much to deal with. It would’ve been funny if Finn didn’t have that persistent dark cloud hanging over him. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” Everyone falls dead silent, frozen in their seats. “We’re not on a honeymoon, we’re not even engaged, and right now I have to go help Poe’s dad with dinner. Also, Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, still looking somewhat taken aback.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll be back in just over a week. I’ll see you then. Bye, everyone.” Finn shoots them a brief smile and stands up, already heading away from the screen.</p><p> </p><p>“And you take care of BB-8 in the meantime,” Poe says, pointing a vaguely threatening finger towards the screen. </p><p> </p><p>The droid whirrs, there’s a string of farewells and then the buzz of the transmission ending. </p><p> </p><p>“Finn,” Poe calls, hurrying after Finn who’s already out in the yard. </p><p> </p><p>Naturally, there is no dinner that requires any help. He doesn’t know where he’s going really, only that he can’t stop his legs from taking him somewhere far away from that call. Make no mistake, Finn is so, so happy to know that Rey found her roots, even though she made them herself. It’s only that...it reminded Finn of the fact that he has none. Well, none that he wishes to associate himself with, anyway. He floats, untethered to history and maybe that should be alright. Most of the time it is, except for now, apparently. </p><p> </p><p>It’s like being lost in the woods, no idea of where he is or where he’s going. Anyone he meets disappears if he stops clinging even for the briefest moment. It’s raining and it’s dark and he can never rest, never sleep and every misstep reminds him of how utterly alone he is in the world. </p><p> </p><p>He’s <em> so </em> tired of running.</p><p> </p><p>The edge of the forest quickly approaches and he stops there, right as the underbrush begins to drastically increase in height. In that time, Poe catches up to him. </p><p> </p><p>“Where you going, Finn?” he asks, as if he knows that Finn doesn’t have the answer. His hand slowly slips into Finn’s, it’s careful and warm. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s stupid, really,” he says. </p><p> </p><p>“Huh?”</p><p> </p><p>Finn turns around. “I should be happy for her. Instead I’m...I’m sad. What am I sad about, Poe?”</p><p> </p><p>Very slowly, he pulls Finn closer towards his chest, wraps his free hand around the back of the brown leather jacket, up and down the jagged stitch. His lips press into Finn’s temples and the dark cloud seems to dissipate a little bit. He can breathe and he’s not as alone as he felt a second ago. The smell of motor oil and chipped wood brings him back to reality, little by little. Poe had always been good at making Finn feel less alone. </p><p> </p><p>“I think you know what you’re sad about,” Poe whispers, pulling him closer, “and you’re welcome to tell me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe later,” he replies, buries his face in the crook of the other’s neck, decides to stay there for just a moment longer. </p><p> </p><p>Naturally, they can’t stay there forever, though he wants to more than he can say, and they go back inside, hands clasped together like well-matched puzzle pieces. Mr. Dameron, or uh, Kes, stands in the kitchen, bent down and picking out pots and pans from one of the cabinets. </p><p> </p><p>“Need some help?” Poe asks. </p><p> </p><p>Kes looks up at the both of them and smiles. “I was just about to look for you two. Yes, I’d love some help. Finn, why don’t you pick out the eggs from the fridge. Oh, and get the chicken from yesterday as well!”</p><p> </p><p>Finn perks up at that and quickly sets to work in the hopes that it’ll take his mind off of things.</p><p> </p><p>“Poe, get some herbs from the garden. Don’t overdo it, but make sure we don’t have to go out twice.”</p><p> </p><p>He nods and heads out without further ado. </p><p> </p><p>Coming to Yavin IV has taught him a lot in terms of normal living. Preparing dinner from scratch with nothing but quiet conversation about everything except war had until then been unheard of for Finn. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure how to act and still gets occasional bouts of unease, feeling like he’s wasting his time, but it goes away easily enough. Poe is good at recognising those signs in Finn and adjusts accordingly, and it always makes his chest tighten with what he can only describe as intense love and adoration. No one has ever taken him into that kind of consideration, but Poe does. Always. </p><p> </p><p>“So, I heard you were speaking to someone earlier? Was it your friends back at the base?”</p><p> </p><p>Finn nods. “Yeah. Our friend, Rey, just got back from her...well, I don’t really know what she went on. Something to do with the Jedi. Then some other people on base and BB-8 were there, as well.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me the news, is everyone doing alright?”</p><p> </p><p>Finn nods again, feels the strange urge to tell him the truth. He bites his lip and actually considers it. His hands rest on the packet of eggs and chicken, deep in contemplation. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, uhm, Rey is a Skywalker now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Now?” he asks. The clattering of pots and pans stop for a moment. </p><p> </p><p>“Long story, but...well...she found her roots. I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn expects Kes to leave it at that and continue on, expects him not to notice the pathetic tone of his voice as he pushes back the dark cloud as best he can. He does <em> not </em> expect Kes to come up to Finn, place a hand on his shoulders and smile at him. </p><p> </p><p>“What about your roots?” he asks, voice low and sincere. </p><p> </p><p>He’s not sure that there’s any point in answering, it’s such a stupid thing to be sad about, but something about that smile, like he’d listen to Finn for hours upon hours, eyes wide and hand still steady on his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>“Never found mine.” </p><p> </p><p>Kes gives him a pat. “I’m sure you will, son. Just give it some time.” </p><p> </p><p>Just like that, he goes back to the stove and fiddles with the gas, as if that conversation hadn’t just taken place and...Finn doesn’t mind. No, in fact, it feels relieving, like a huge weight off his shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>Poe comes back inside, placing the bundle of herbs by the stove and looks between Finn and his father. </p><p> </p><p>“Did I miss something?” He squints his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Just a chat,” he says, winking at Finn, “you know, men-to-men.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought I was a man,” Poe mutters, his pout is heart-melting.</p><p> </p><p>Kes give him a generous pat on the back and puts a knife in his hand. “No. You are my son. Now chop those vegetables. Try to make them as even as you can, please.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, dad,” he drawls, rolls his eyes and gets to work. </p><p> </p><p>And in this moment, right where he stands, Finn wonders if he hasn’t found his roots, after all. </p><p> </p><p>.-::-.</p><p> </p><p>The dinner was absolutely delicious, all thanks to Kes Dameron and his fine assistants as Kes had so eloquently put it once they were completely full. Apparently, there was dessert, but that had to be saved for another day. </p><p> </p><p>He’d gone for a shower and Poe had promised to stay awake for after, but his eyelids were already drooping so Finn could tell that the promise wouldn’t be lived up to. He wraps a towel around his waist and heads back into the bedroom. </p><p> </p><p>Just as he expected, Poe is softly snoring on his side of the bed, one hand covering his eyes. The small light is still on and he has a book draped across his bare chest. It rises and falls in tandem with his breathing. The blanket is knotted around his legs in a mish-mash that will probably result in him falling flat on his face when he attempts to get up in the morning.</p><p> </p><p>After putting on some boxers Finn pulls the blanket away gently, but evidently not gently enough. Poe is roused from the depths of unconsciousness, blearily looking up to see who might be disturbing his precious unwaking moments. </p><p> </p><p>“Finn?”</p><p> </p><p>He chuckles. “Good to know you can still recognise faces.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t sleeping.” The book is placed back on the bedside table and he pulls himself up into a sitting position.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course not.”</p><p> </p><p>With some more force, seeing as Poe is awake anyway, Finn pulls the blanket free and creeps under it. His side of the bed is still somewhat cold, but Poe crawls over to Finn, legs sliding in between the other’s and arms pulling him closer. At least he won’t be freezing. </p><p> </p><p>“So, Rey’s a Skywalker, huh?” Poe mumbles into Finn’s chest. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. She seems happy about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her that happy.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn smiles at that, because it’s true. Her smile was so bright, eyes glittering like she’d found some sort of treasure. </p><p> </p><p>And then the thoughts come sneaking back in. That empty sense of loneliness. He resents himself for feeling it, especially when such a happy thing has happened, but it’s there nonetheless, like a dark cloud. If Poe hadn’t been around, Finn wondered how he’d cope. If he’d cope at all. </p><p> </p><p>“Will you tell me why you were sad about it, earlier?”</p><p> </p><p>Finn looks away. “Do you really want me to?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I do. I always wanna hear what you have to say.”</p><p> </p><p>How does Poe always know exactly what to say to make Finn’s heart melt just that tiny bit more? It’s unfair, really. Their eyes meet, both deep brown and Poe presses a chaste kiss to his chest, joins their hands and kisses Finn’s battered knuckles, scarred with traces of the scrapes and scuffles of war. </p><p> </p><p>“I never thought I’d need a name to feel like I belong somewhere, always thought I’d be fine with just being Finn, but, I dunno. I guess I’d like to feel as though I’m a part of history, like I have a place in the world.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe scoots further up, head next to Finn’s. He can feel hot breath on his cheek. “You want a last name?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe. Is that strange?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. I don’t think so.” The idea seems not to have occurred to him, going by the surprise in his voice, but at least there’s no judgement, which is what matters. Belonging seems like a human thing to want.</p><p> </p><p>“You could always make one,” Poe suggests. He smiles, looking up at the ceiling as if it were full of stars. “Finn...Finn Spenandi.”</p><p> </p><p>He laughs, though he tries to keep it quiet. Kes is sleeping next door, after all. “What does that even mean?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe shrugs. “Heard it means bringer of hope in some language.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. Great. I’m Finn Spenandi now.”</p><p> </p><p>He winces, gives off a hesitant hiss of disapproval. “Weeell, on second thought...”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, now I’m not good enough for you, am I? Is an ugly last name all it takes for you to break up with me?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe purses his lips, tries to contain the laugh bubbling behind his lips, which ultimately fails. It comes bursting out in the form of a snort so loud Kes surely must’ve woken up. Finn feels his shoulders shaking with laughter as well, but does a better job at holding it in. Poe buries his smiling face into the other’s chest. </p><p> </p><p>“Spenandi!” he wheezes.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up! We’re gonna wake your dad!”</p><p> </p><p>“But, Finn! Spenandi!”</p><p> </p><p>And they burst into stifled laughter again, trying so hard to keep it at an acceptable volume and that’s exactly what makes it all the harder. </p><p> </p><p>He learned that pretty quickly in his early days with the Resistance. Try to hold in your laughter, especially when laughing <em> with </em> someone, and you’re bound to fail. There was never much to laugh about in the First Order, but with Poe, everything becomes funny. Even when it isn’t and they only laugh to pretend it doesn’t hurt. </p><p> </p><p>“No, but seriously. I don’t think I could just make one up. There’d be no history tied to it,” Finn says once they finally manage to calm down enough to speak. </p><p> </p><p>“Everyone’s history has to start somewhere.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I know, but still...I’d like my last name to be given, like you gave me my first name.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s hand trails up to his chest, grasps at the dip and smiles even when his hand comes up empty. For a moment, his eyes drift elsewhere before looking up at Finn, fingertips tracing his cheekbone and jawline.</p><p> </p><p>“I never thought you’d stick with it,” he admits.</p><p> </p><p>“It felt like it meant something. You and me, TIE fighter, descent to Jakku. I was born that day.”</p><p> </p><p>The fingers halt in their path, palm settling on Finn’s cheek instead. “What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, I was no one before I left the First Order. Just cannon fodder and a designation. Then you came along and suddenly it was like the world came alive. I could see light, if that doesn’t sound too cheesy.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe is quiet for a while, but Finn can hear his breath catching in his throat, the noise as he swallows and feels his shuffling. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” he says, “thank you for letting me be that special to you. I love you for that, more than you’ll ever know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Poe...”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean it.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn turns onto his side, finds brown, dewey eyes looking back up at him with a small, uncertain smile on his lips. The hand on his cheek slips to the back of his neck and Finn mirrors the touch. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you crying?” he asks, and the tears only seem to well up faster. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s it to you? Mind your own business.” The smile grows despite the crying, somehow.</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s chest tightens in that way the should probably hurt, but doesn’t. “You’re so beautiful.” The words tumble from Finn’s mouth before he can even think them over.</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s mouth opens and closes several times, the pink in his cheeks nearly glows. “Just...dammit, just shut up and kiss me.”</p><p> </p><p>And how could he not oblige?</p><p> </p><p>It’s sweet and slow and like Finn could stay this way for hours. Somewhere, in the midst of it, the lights turn off and before either of them know it, they fall asleep tangled so tightly together that none can tell where one begins and the other ends. It’s warm, and it’s safe, and it’s precisely where the universe intends for them to be.</p><p> </p><p>.-::-.</p><p> </p><p>A week passes them quickly by and as the date of their return back to Ajan Kloss approaches Finn realises how much he’s fallen in love with the place. The crack in the lower left corner of the ceiling is almost familiar enough for him to remember without looking at. He’s begun learning which of the floorboards creak and he knows how far to turn the showerhead to get the temperature just right. </p><p> </p><p>He still doesn’t know if it’s faster to go out the front door or through the patio to get to the chicken pen and he keeps mixing up the cabinet with glasses and the one with plates. The pictures on the wall are still new to him and a lot of the faces remain unnamed, but it’s the sort of thing he expects to become familiar with one day.</p><p> </p><p>On their last day Poe wakes him up before dawn, claims it’s for a surprise adventure. Funnily enough, Finn had decided to get some extra sleep for once, but no. He is given no say in the matter, only an order to get ready and meet Poe by the big tree in fifteen minutes. His smile is brighter than ever and there’s an undeniable spring in his step. Who’s Finn to argue with a man like that?</p><p> </p><p>He brushes his teeth, puts on his clothes and shoes, checks himself in the mirror at tad bit longer than he probably needs to and goes out to the tree. It’s still quite dark and it’s hard to make out figures, but he sees Poe stand there, arms crossed, one foot propped up against the trunk and his back leaning against it. There’s a wooden basket by his legs and Finn can sense something...strange. It’s definitely not bad, but as if...something waits around the corner. Anticipation. Yes, anticipation. For what, he has no idea. Perhaps he’ll find out. </p><p> </p><p>“Right on time,” Poe quips and picks up the basket. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m not the one with troubles getting out of bed in the morning, so I don’t understand why you sound so surprised.” Finn grasps Poe’s free hand and lets him lead them into a small, barely noticeable path that leads deep into the dense greenery. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, I got up earlier than you today, so.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I don’t know what kind of dark powers you summoned, but I must admit it’s impressive.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe chuckles, pushes a branch out of the way. “No dark powers here, anxiety and panic do the trick just fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Before Finn can so much as get a word in Poe interjects. “No, there were no nightmares. I would’ve woken you up. If everything goes to plan I won’t have anxiety...well, not about this thing anyway by the end of the day. Promise.”</p><p> </p><p>“What thing?” Finn asks, but he receives no reply and they continue steadily onwards.</p><p> </p><p>Through the mystery he decides to enjoy the adventure for what it is and take a look around. Firstly, he notices that not all is shrouded in deep darkness. There are splotches of color and light everywhere. Flowers and plants that shine in the black night. It’s on the tips of the underbrush, on the tiny budding flowers that snake their way upwards, curling around the trunks of the sky-high trees. Even in the dim light he can see that it’s not all in the same green-almost-black tone, some plants are a bright, lime green and others almost look white. </p><p> </p><p>The heads of small animals peek out from the foliage, inspecting the disturbance before scurrying away into whatever hole or nest they feel safest in. A snake even slithers across the path a few feet further ahead. It’s never long before the bushes rustle or until the branches of the trees shake. In the dark it might feel ominous, but with Poe’s hand warm in his there doesn’t seem to be anything to be afraid of.</p><p> </p><p>Everything is so thoroughly <em> alive. </em> A warmth radiates not only from the humid climate, especially not in the predawn chill, but through the sheer heartbeat of the forest. It’s breathtaking and Finn is so completely and fully in awe of everything the more he stays in the moment. Poe doesn’t seem to pay it any mind, but then again, he must be used to it. And yet... How could a person ever get used to something so marvellous and beautiful?</p><p> </p><p>It’s been about half an hour of strolling in the forest when the path widens. The trees grow further apart here and in the distance Finn sees dark blue sky peeking out from between the branches. As they emerge he stands around ten feet away from a cliff, dipping down into even more trees. </p><p> </p><p>The forest stretches on for miles, beyond the edges of the horizon. The only things breaking up the view are the dark grey structures that tower above the trees. An X-wing flies out of one tower and swiftly disappears into the next. </p><p> </p><p>“Are those Resistance bases?” he asks. </p><p> </p><p>Poe is picking a blanket from the basket and spreading it on the ground. “Yeah. Once upon a time they were temples built by great warriors, now they’re used by us. It’s basically recycling.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn snorts at that, stands still for a moment more and then helps with straightening the blanket. </p><p> </p><p>“So, what’s all this for?” he asks, one eyebrow arched up. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s our last day here, figured I’d take you out for a picnic. Am I not allowed to do that?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re allowed,” Finn says with a teasing smile on his lips that Poe matches.</p><p> </p><p>“How gracious of you.” He lies down on his side, one arm propping him up and looks over the forest. “Pretty, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe takes the basket from its spot behind him and places it between the two. The wooden wicker material creaks with each bend as he opens it and it looks old, though he can’t tell how old. There are dark splodges where moisture must’ve gotten to it or maybe some other type of stain. </p><p> </p><p>The first thing he picks out is a small lantern that he turns on. The light is mild and yellow, but enough to illuminate the other contents of the basket and their surroundings. Granted, it’s not <em> that </em> dark, but it proves helpful regardless. Somehow it makes their world a little bit smaller, like it’s just the two of them out here. </p><p> </p><p>One by one, he picks out small boxes of assorted fruits and cookies. Bilaberries, melons and mangoes, sweet-sand cookies and tuiles. Somehow, Poe has even managed to get his hands on some genuine chocolate fresh off the market just by the Resistance base. It both smells and looks delicious. A feast fit for kings, if such people even existed nowadays. </p><p> </p><p>“You really went above and beyond,” Finn says, picking up one of the cookies and twirling it between his fingers. </p><p> </p><p>“I do my best,” he replies. The grin is infectious, and the sparkle in his eye even more so. </p><p> </p><p>Naturally, they have to be the most cheesy people alive and feed each other the fruits and sweets. It’s almost impossible not to laugh at themselves while they’re doing it, which is what makes it all the sweeter. </p><p> </p><p>It turns into a game, a competition even, where they’re throwing bilaberries into each other’s mouths to see who can catch the most berries. Poe loses like a loser, because he <em> is </em> a loser, which would be fine and even endearing if he hadn’t been such a <em> sore </em> loser.</p><p> </p><p>“Am not!” he protests, snatching the box of bilaberries from Finn’s hands. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you stealing food now because you’re jealous of my mad skills?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, just shut up and eat like a normal person.” Poe shoves the box down, pout forming on his pink, slightly bilaberry-blue lips. </p><p> </p><p>“You started it,” he teases. </p><p> </p><p>After that they settle in a comfortable silence, occasionally taking a piece of fruit. The night is quiet and still, but there’s always the stars to look at, and the clouds as they move and change shape. It’s a bit like watching paint dry, except Finn would do it for hours. He’d trace the shifting of the clouds, mark each shape and watch it morph into something different. That probably makes him sound like a complete fool, but it’s the truth, anyway. </p><p> </p><p>He’s about to tell Poe that one of them looks like the Falcon and turns to his right, but Poe’s not looking at the sky nor at the forest. He’s looking down into his lap, picking at the little frayed seam at the bottom of his jacket. The crease between his brows is one of deep concentration, and the corner of his mouth twitches upwards, hinting at a smile, though it never lingers. </p><p><br/>“What are you thinking about?” Finn asks. He can speculate until he’s blue in the face, but asking will always be the better choice.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing,” he replies and looks up.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been fidgeting since we left the house.”</p><p> </p><p>He pauses, bites the inside of his cheek, trying and failing to make it subtle. Then, his expression shifts into a smirk and Poe moves, slowly and deliberately, never once breaking eye contact, crawls into Finn’s lap, thighs on either side and cups his face with warm hands. A nice contrast to the brisk breeze.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you’re worried, but I promise you that it’s fine. I’m fine.” He leans in, presses a feather-light kiss to Finn’s lips.</p><p> </p><p>It shouldn’t be enough to make him stop worrying, but it is and he’s so weak. Perhaps he <em> should </em> trust Poe and let things fall as they may? If he says it isn’t that bad then it probably isn’t. Right?</p><p> </p><p>“You’re just doing this to avoid talking about whatever’s bothering you, aren’t you?” Finn asks after they part. He bites his lip, strokes his thumb below Poe’s eye, feels the soft skin there.</p><p> </p><p>He smiles, hands roaming all over Finn’s chest with no intention of stopping. “Maybe, but also because I love you and you’re the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen and I want to kiss you.”</p><p> </p><p>For a moment, he pretends that he lives in a universe where he has even the slightest sense of self restraint and self control, where he <em> doesn’t </em> fall so easily for Poe’s every beck and call. Thankfully, he’s quick to snap out of the ridiculous notion.</p><p> </p><p>“Kriff, you’re insufferable,” he groans and dives head first onto Poe’s lips. </p><p> </p><p>They’re soft, but push back against his, meeting and pulling him in an endless rhythm that never seems to end. The taste of chocolate and bilaberries still lingers. Finn’s hands find their way to Poe’s hair and he runs his fingers through it, gently tugs at the strands. The noise coming from Poe makes him swoon so he does it again, and once more for good measure. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re gonna pull my hair out,” Poe murmurs, kisses trailing down to his jaw. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry,” he replies with no apology in sight, “The moans made it seem like you liked it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmph, you caught me.” </p><p> </p><p>His lips trail further down onto his neck, they find his pulsepoint, nip at the skin there and a thousand colors burst behind his eyelids. It feels like someone has punched out the breath from his chest. One more inch and he’d fall flat on his back.</p><p> </p><p>Finn’s hands are just about to sneak up under Poe’s shirt, feeling the need itching at his fingertips when his eyes open for just a split second. They catch, quite unintentionally, on the edge of the horizon where a sliver of the sun has peeked up. The entire sky is tinted pink, yellow and orange. The clouds are a light purple and the edges shine with a warm rosy color.</p><p> </p><p>“Woah,” Finn puffs out, “look at the sun.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe turns around and watches it for a minute or two, they’re both silent as the world awakes. Even the wildlife has softened its murmur and for just a moment, the entire universe seems to stand still to watch the sun move on its steady path. </p><p> </p><p>With the first bird singing the moment ends and the atmosphere changes. What had been so heated and intense just a second ago has now turned into something entirely different. Anticipation and a tangible buzz hangs in the air. Poe moves, gets off from Finn’s lap, much to his confusion, and onto his knees. On his still red-bitten lips is a smile, tentative, but undeniably bright. </p><p> </p><p>“I guess I should just say it,” Poe says, fishes up the chain from beneath his shirt and places it in his palm. Therein lies a plain, but shiny silver band, a ring. “My mother gave this to me when I was little. Told me to give it to the right person when and if I find them.”</p><p> </p><p>If it didn’t already do so, Finn’s heart now beats a hundred miles a minute, his hands go clammy and every thought races to all the best and worst places possible, all at once. </p><p> </p><p>“I never thought I would find that person. My life has never been easy, Finn, as I’m sure you know. I ran from the law, did bad things and even when I’d left that life behind the Resistance threw me into another high-risk job. The fact that I’m still alive amazes me to this day.”</p><p> </p><p>His fingers slowly unclasp the chain, lets the ring slide off and puts the chain in the basket. Finn is holding his breath, knows that if he lets it go he won’t be able to stop himself from blurting out an answer already. </p><p> </p><p>“I think I’ve known that I wanted to ask you for a long time, but I wasn’t sure I’d have the guts to do it until last week. You told me that you wanted a last name, that you wanted it to be given and I...realised that I want that, too.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe rolls the ring around in his palm, looks down and bites his lip. There’s a subtle shaking in his shoulders and if Finn didn’t know better, he’d worry, but he feels it, too, feels the way everything seems to vibrate, the way his eyes sting with tears he tries to hold back. </p><p> </p><p>“I want to give you everything I have. My love, my home, my belongings, my history...my last name.” He smiles, hold the ring between his thumb and finger, stretches it out to Finn. “So, how about it, Finn? Will you marry me?”</p><p> </p><p>He breathes, this he knows because it comes out as shaky as the leaves in the morning wind and his body finally relaxes. Then, he smiles, because he sees the future, sees a thousand sunrises and sunsets much like these spent together, sees children laughing in the highest branches of the tallest tree, sees warm and smooth sand between his toes and the passing of time and it feels <em> right. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Finn Dameron, huh?” The ring shines brightly as the even brighter sunrise reflects upon it and his hand stretches out towards it, fingers trembling at the mere thought of having it on his finger. </p><p> </p><p>A lone tear falls down Poe’s cheek and he smiles, too. “That doesn’t sound too bad.”<br/><br/></p><p>“No,” he agrees, “no, it doesn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>With a touch so light it sends shivers and bursts of electricity up his spine, Poe carefully slides the ring onto Finn’s right hand. The silver is cool against his skin, and fits like a glove, like it was always meant to sit right there.</p><p> </p><p>The kiss that comes after is a soft, barely-there touch, salty from the tears they both shed and it’s everything they ever asked for. Finn’s fingertips trail over his cheekbone, across the unshaved scruff and to the back of his neck where curls have formed from the long uncut hair of his. Time is frail, but in this tiny bubble they are eternal.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” he murmurs, their lips ghosting over each others.</p><p> </p><p>Poe kisses him more fiercely then, like he’s trying to pour all the words he never dared to say or even think of before. Finn kisses back in kind, answers him by saying <em> I know. Everything you want to say I know. I feel it, too. </em></p><p> </p><p>They try to halt the passage of time, but the sun still rises and radiates humid heat onto them. It becomes too warm to stay in the sunlight, not to mention they still have some final packing to do, and Kes will surely want some time with them as well. </p><p> </p><p>They put the lantern and mostly empty boxes back into the basket, fold up the blanket and stuff that back inside as well. Then, with fingers interlaced, they’re ready to walk back. Now, Finn can actually see the path. It’s very narrow, but worn down to the point where the ground is a pale brown instead of the usual green that surrounds them. The flowers that Finn saw glowing on his way up have now taken on a pink color.</p><p> </p><p>Birds of all sorts sing up in the trees, some are more loud than melodious, but some catch his ears and he almost stops to listen. If he thought the forest was alive on their way up, it feels positively <em> vibrant </em> now.</p><p> </p><p>It goes faster this time, there’s no stumbling in the dark, no sense of mystery as Poe leads him through the dark foliage of some unexplored place. In fact, he can’t wait to get back and tell Kes about the engagement. </p><p> </p><p>Or should he? Maybe Poe wants to keep it secret for a little while longer. He doesn’t have time to make a decision because they break through the forest edge and there he sits, on the porch. In his hand he holds a cup with wisps of steam rising from it. Probably caf.</p><p> </p><p>“Where the hell were you two?” he calls from across the yard. “I was gonna make breakfast for us.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe laughs the basket swinging back and forth in his free hand. “Oh, you know, just finishing up some business.”</p><p> </p><p>It takes every inch of self-control not to immediately shout <em> I’m a Dameron now! </em> because he feels like that will sound weird, but the untamable smile on his face must give it away. Or maybe it’s just the ring around his finger. </p><p> </p><p>“I see,” he says with a knowing smile once they come close enough. He stands up, caf still in hand.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re gonna go inside and finish packing,” Poe says. </p><p> </p><p>He gives them both a curt nod. “You go do that. I need to feed the chickens anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>After disappearing around the corner they go back inside and into their room. The blinds are still drawn and the sheets are a complete mess, crumpled up from their hasty awakening. The cupboard and closet are both mostly empty, but a few spare shirts and socks still lie at the bottom. </p><p> </p><p>To think they only spent three weeks in this room and still it feels like home. The toothbrushes, one orange and the other blue, fit so nicely in the little wooden container by the tiny bathroom sink. He’s gotten used to spraying water on the succulent by the window every so often, perhaps he’ll get one of his own when they get back to base. </p><p> </p><p>Or perhaps he won’t have time. He’s heard through the grapevine that things are getting ugly in the galaxy. The aftershocks of war have finally begun to hit everyone as they one by one come out of rejoicing victory or recuperating from defeat. Poverty strikes most civilisations. Supplies like bacta, food, clothes and the like are soon to become scarce and, more importantly: Expensive. </p><p> </p><p>The Resistance still needs to finish wiping out the final remnants of the First Order, which means they need those kinds of supplies. The worst part is that it’s all going to be his responsibility now, his and Poe’s. All those people are going to rely on them to keep them well-fed and healthy.</p><p> </p><p>“What’re you thinking about?” Poe asks, folding a white t-shirt before stuffing it into his bag. </p><p> </p><p>Finn sighs, sits down by the foot of the bed. “How much work there’ll be when we get back.”</p><p> </p><p>And for some reason, he smiles, it’s infectious and absolutely breathtaking, but completely opposite to how Finn expected Poe to react. “I think the more pressing issue is what people are gonna call us. I mean, they can’t really call both of us General Dameron, now can they?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m serious!”</p><p> </p><p>“So am I!” He sighs, zips up his bag, and kneels in front of Finn. “Look, we won the war, we’re alive, we’re finally happy, we’re <em> getting married. </em> Can’t we focus on the little issues? Just for now.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a pause of contemplation, but there’s only one answer. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I think I can manage that,” he says. It’s so easy to smile when Poe’s looking at him like he puts the stars in the sky. </p><p> </p><p>“Good.” He stands up and presses a lingering kiss to Finn’s forehead. It disarms him, melts his troubles like ice. </p><p> </p><p>Packing after that becomes a breeze and they even find the time to tidy the room up, or at least make it easier to tidy later. They strip the mattress, pillows and blanket of their sheets and throw them into a heap by the door. Finn opens the windows and blinds while Poe closes all the cupboard drawers and closet doors. After giving the succulent one final spray of water, they are officially done. Any trace of them is gone from the room, which feels kind of sad, but he knows they’ll come back someday. </p><p> </p><p>He well and truly knows that now.</p><p> </p><p>.-::-.</p><p> </p><p>The ship is fully tanked up and ready to fly, their bags are loaded and all they’ve got left to say is their farewells. Poe is tinkering with the final settings, lip bitten in concentration. Finn stands by the doorway, face to face with Kes who looks at them both with a small smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be a stranger, okay?” </p><p> </p><p>“We’ll do our best,” Finn replies, hands stuffed into his pockets. “Thank you for having us.”</p><p> </p><p>Kes simply shrugs and glances over to Poe and then back. “Anything for family, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Right.”</p><p> </p><p>“That includes you, too, you know.” His hand slides down Finn’s right arm, stops just where it’s tucked away in the leather pocket. “You’re a Dameron now, after all.”</p><p> </p><p>Though he is stunned by the comment, he pulls his hand out, looks down at the ring and up at Kes. “How did you—”</p><p> </p><p>“Your eyes. Poe’s, too.” He grabs the ringed hand, squeezes it tight between his own. “You were both sparkling.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn stands speechless for what feels like too long, but there are simply no words to express his gratitude, nor his joy. The entirety of his life, he realizes, has been a search for some place that he can call home, a place where he can rest easy, where troubles don’t wear him down and finally, he thinks, he might just have found it. </p><p> </p><p>Poe hugs his father goodbye, which is when Finn snaps out of his daze and takes Poe’s hand in his, squeezes it with all the love he has. </p><p> </p><p>“Take care of each other, eh?” Kes says, stepping off the ship and to the grass. “And come back soon.”<br/><br/></p><p>“We will, dad,” Poe says and squeezes back before returning to the pilot’s seat. </p><p><br/>“Goodbye, Kes,” Finn says.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodbye, son.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, the door slides shut, the engine rumbles to life and before he knows it, they’ve lifted off the ground. He takes a look out of the window to see Kes waving, even wiping away tears, and he continues waving until they fly out of sight.</p><p> </p><p>“Ready to go home?” Poe asks once Finn gets into the other seat. </p><p> </p><p>He takes a moment, looks at the silver band on his fingers and still finds himself in disbelief over it. “I think we just left it.”</p><p> </p><p>“And we’ll be back. I promise.” </p><p> </p><p>On that note, they exit the atmosphere and settle into a comfortable silence knowing that, despite everything, they’ve made it. Finn knows now, with Poe’s hand intertwined with his, that he’s found his roots.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i feel like i only write post-canon fics, adjbgajhkdb</p><p>hope y'all enjoy it nonetheless, kudos and comments are appreciated!</p><p>follow me on twitter for more finnpoe tomfoolery: @/homosexuelle_</p></blockquote></div></div>
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